A Mother's Heart: Dealing With My Addict
This is a snippet from the heart of a mother, who has dealt with her child’s addiction for over a decade now. It’s from a different perspective that not everyone understands, especially if you haven’t ever been a mother in these shoes. When it’s been your brother, sister, close friend, relationship, or relative, we tend to handle our emotions and the way we react a little different than someone who actually gave birth to their baby that has been entirely lost for a while now. There’s no other relationship like that, with a mother and her child. With that being said, it doesn’t make the pain and co-dependency any different than what we all feel in a relationship with someone who has substance abuse issues. It’s all the same cycle and for the ones who have been there, you understand.
Over the past 12 + years, I have been to many individual counseling or support group sessions on “how to deal with an addict in your life” or “how NOT to be a Co-dependent”. Some of the talking points include shutting your addict out of your life so that you are able to take care of you and others who you may still be responsible for, and trusting in your Higher Power to take over and love them where you can’t.
As the parent of “my addict”, believe me when I say that I’ve tried ALL of the above and have even gotten really good at it, at times! However, my “human-ness” eventually kicks in and the old fears, regrets and what-ifs find their way back into my thought processes. I end up taking back what I so readily wanted to, and really tried to hand over to my God! Then, I’ll beat myself up over this failure for a while (days, weeks, months?) before I find my way back into the loving arms of Peace. No matter how hard I try, this cycle takes a toll on me and others who love “my addict” mentally, physically, spiritually.
Once again, knowing I have the love, prayers and support from others, I am determined to be a light for “my addict”, to pull her out of the muck, the mire and the grasp of the Ultimate Liar. I pray, continually, for protection, strength, wisdom and discernment. I am answering the phone calls, speaking truth into black and white (no grays), referencing death..anything to break through and spark a desire to lift her head, her hand, her heart. Right now, I’m choosing to channel as much of the Power that I can to be a “conductor” of sorts, to be able to help save a beautiful soul. After all, HE saves her even more than me, and that makes it well worth my soul..